How am I morally superior? A lot of people I love have herpes.
My perspective comes from my story. I thought I had genital herpes for 2.5 years. I've lived life with it, thinking I had it. I'd taken daily antivirals for years, I suffered the physical pain of whatever I had, plus the mental distress of the diagnosis. I had a pregnancy being told by my doctor, a gyno, my ob and a research virologist/professor that I was positive, I gave birth thinking I had an active outbreak. I don't care if you have it or not, I have done so much research, have had so many doctors visits because of this issue, talked to specialists and had so many tests, for every STD, STI imaginable and more. I had a visual diagnosis, twice, during what I was told was my "initial outbreak" which was 10 weeks of fucking hell, and that intensity came back again and again. I didn't go 30 days without symptoms, ever.
I eventually had a western blot that came back negative for both HSV1 and HSV2. It was hard to trust that, considering everything I went through with an undiagnosed viral infection. My symptoms didn't go away until after I stopped breastfeeding. The stress I carried, for years , the guilt I had... unfathomable to you. I couldn't kiss my baby because I was scared of asymptomatic shedding. I developed an anxiety disorder, stressing about diaper changes and keeping everything clean for my baby. I lost a job because I was so sick at work, couldn't even stand up straight. I was told that I could infect my partner at anytime, and went months and months without having sex because I didn't know what was going on. My doctors couldn't figure out why it wasn't responding to antivirals, why my swab tests never came back positive for viral DNA, until I had the Western Blot, again after years of living positive. I had to deal with all of the heartache in my relationship, we made major sacrifices for each other. More than anything, the constant stress and pain was unbearable and unrelenting. All while dealing with a different congenital health issue and incredible stress from other life events.
As it turned out, I didn't have herpes, and no one ever figured out what it was that caused nerve pain/damage and legions, the bleeding, the sharp pain, the shooting pain, the stinging. I had oral legions as well, which were also incredibly painful. Whatever I had, was never actually treated.
However, during that time I educated myself about HSV1/2 as much as I could, because I was told I had it and trusted my false diagnosis. I tried to understand the mechanisms of action of the antiviral medications I took. I shared information in every relevant situation with my sexually active friends and family. I talked about it a lot with my friends who also had it, trying process it. Trying to process the horrible way in which I thought I had contracted herpes. It was the most stressful few years of my life, feeling sick, dealing with side effects. It was shit.
Basically, fuck you. I went through the ringer. Everyone I know who has it went through the ringer in their own way, has their own struggles with it physically and mentally. It made me incredibly strong eventually, and passionate about the issue when I thought I had it. All I knew was I never ever wanted anyone to go through what I was going through because of me or anyone else. It was depressing, not because of fucking stigma, it was depressing because of how it affected my life, my health, my relationship, my family, my pregnancy. I literally couldn't communicate my fuck you, to you enough. I understand some people have an initial outbreak, and never have another outbreak again. I understand there are people that miss a few doses of antivirals and that will trigger an outbreak. I understand some people only take antivirals when they feel a tingle coming on, some people take them everyday. I know there are a considerable amount of false negatives and false positives in herpes diagnoses because the most common tests used are unreliable. It is a complicated thing, and every positive person has a different experience with it. I in absolutely no way think I am any better than someone who has herpes. I get it. I was there. I can relate better than someone who doesn't know they carry it, or doesn't have it all. I feel for them, deeply, because it fucking sucks. All the unknowing fucking sucks. Who cares about stigma? Intimate, mature adults can be honest with eachother about it. What matters is how this virus affects people's lives, and you are naive to believe that it doesn't affect people's health or their lives. You say "Oh you have a bump on your lip for a week, no big deal," all that does demonstrate your impressive lack of comprehension of what herpes does to people on a mental and physical level.
Again, I don't give a fuck about you or about what you have, or about how you feel about it. All that matters is that you inform those who you put at risk for contracting an STD / STI from you. You do not, ever, take away someone's choice in the matter. It's unforgivable. I don't care if you have a flu, you don't expose people to diseases. You don't know their situation and they should be able to choose if they think you're worth taking a risk for. Period. Having herpes doesn't make you more or less than anyone else. What makes you less than is not taking it seriously when it comes to other people.
If I knew you IRL and I knew that you were a person that didn't care about informing your partners that you knew you had herpes, I would report you to the health department so fast. So fast. Such a fucking scummy attitude.