I often feel like my erections are sub-par when I'm with my (27M) new-ish girlfriend (27F) which is obviously super frustrating. I know it's all mental so I'm trying really hard to not overthink it. The other thing is that I tend to last a long time. I think I've conditioned myself to this through masturbation, because I prefer taking my time and edge a bit. So during sex, I fluctuate in hardness until I'm close to cumming (and even sometimes while I'm having an orgasm I can tell my dick isn't as hard as when I orgasm while masturbating).

Anyway, the other night we were having sex and I went soft and couldn't get it back. She was super kind about it and I did my best to shrug it off. But I think she was a little bit offended because the next night, she jumped my bones and was super aggressive, which doesn't happen often. It was amazing - while she was deepthroating me my leg was shaking like a fucking dog when you scratch it in the right spot. I was really turned on, really hard, and so after some more head I rolled her over and we started fucking, all good.

But then after a position change I could feel myself starting to push rope. I knew I had to focus on other things or else I'd never get it back. So I pulled out and jerked myself off with the tip rubbing against her clit and opening, while making out and whatnot. Boner returned, I went back in missionary, and fucked her deep and fast while she bucked her pelvis against me. She was also playing with her clit and breathlessly telling me how good it was in between kisses, which helped a lot. A couple minutes of that, I warned her I was getting close, and we finally came together. My brain was broken for about 15 minutes after, I could barely move or say anything coherent.

So, a modest achievement in staying out of my own head and not letting things snowball. But apart from lifestyle (diet, exercise, hydration, sleep), if anyone can share their experiences in overcoming this issue I'd love to hear them. Maybe I should only jerk off using a condom to get more used to cumming with one on? Apologies for the essay btw.