is this sexual assault? (my story)

Wow, thanks for this response. I definitely can see where your point of view is coming from and I’m sorry that happened to you. When someone’s asleep and unable to communicate, that’s a no fly zone. You can NOT just penetrate someone cause you are taking away their choice. It wasn’t a “heat of the moment” type deal. So I absolutely feel for you and agree with you.

I think where my reservations in this case lies is the fact that she’s thinking no but acting like a yes. How is the guy to know she doesn’t want it? He can’t read her mind in the slightest. Sure she has said no in the past, but he made a move - one where she can feel things changing - and rather than push him away or say no, she makes an active choice to make out with him. That’s where I think it’s not a freeze response. When you freeze, you literally lay there and do nothing. She made a decision and it’s not the one she thought she would make, but to call it sexual assault is an abomination.

I think my definition of consent has always been rooted in participation. Is this person actively playing along? Are they kissing me back? Are they pulling me in? Etc. I think too many people get caught up in the word “yes” or the word “no”. But there are people who say yes and don’t mean it and don’t participate - they’re not consenting. I think in this case, her starting to make out with him after he has penetrated her shows to him that she’s okay with what is going on.

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