I have considered posting a similar rant for quite some time. I'm in the same situation with my wife. Our sexual incompatibility has taken a huge toll on me over the seven years we've been married.
I apologize in advance for how negative this is, but I haven't been able to say this to anyone, and reading your post just makes me need to get this off my chest as well.
I have gone through every emotion in the spectrum: anger, hurt, depression, jealousy (of my friends who are always publicly affectionate with their wives and openly brag about their sex lives), anger, sadness, betrayal, anger. I even get angry reading your post because knowing there are women like you who want sex and aren't getting it is just a huge slap in the face.
I've blamed everyone: myself, her, the church, her parents, her ex-boyfriends, porn, my ex-girlfriends. Anyone or anything that might have contributed to her negative view of sex, or my strong desire for it.
I started our marriage with so much love to give. I am a passionate man and was a hopeless romantic. I would have and did do everything for her and have worked my ass off to try and meet all of her many needs. And I've done so.
I've been patient and understanding. I've tried talking about it from every different approach, but ultimately, she just has no desire for it. And usually the conversation just turns to, "all you care about is sex," and then it's over. And with time, I've soured. My patience is fading along with my hope.
If I ask, she'll usually comply, but it's always the same, never any foreplay, she never seems into it, and she'll usually rush through it and then before i know it she's back in her damned G's and under the covers.
I've lost hope that it will ever get any better, so I just take care of my own needs now. She considers my porn use on par with adultery, so I can't even relieve myself without the constant guilt. I've ultimately just stopped caring if it bothers her. I think I've just stopped caring, period.
I agree with you that the church holds much blame. I understand, as many on here have said, that everyone's level of sexuality is different, but, if we'd been able to explore that before committing ourselves to each other for eternity, I would have been able to see that it would not work out. So, I definitely agree with you on that point.
I'm sorry to be so negative, but it's feels extremely cathartic to get that all out. I sincerely hope your situation isn't as bad as mine, but know there are other people out there who understand how lonely this can be.
I wish you all the best with your marriage!