I am always making people laugh at work. What they dont know is I have a notepad open with just any funny phrase or joke I stumble upon either through a show a movie or some random thing on reddit. Ive also thought about killing myself, im thinking it now actually. just called 1-800-784-2433 and hung up after being silent for about 10 mins. I have proof of the notepad thing if you wanna see how pathetic i am. thing is it kinda works, alot of people say im life of the party thats cause i dont know how to not drink to get drunk. i try to be as entertaining as i can at work, not alot of people say this, but im the most happy when im at work, i just join in and pretend like "oh man is it time to go home yet" like the others but in reality when i go home i wallow in misery until my body shuts down at 4 am and i fall asleep. its so fucked, i have a good job, loving family, healthy, been told im quite attractive, ive ended so many relationships because i just cant committ. feels like im fooling myself and i dont want to waste the other persons time. if i cant make myself happy how do i make someone else happy. theres absolutely nothing wrong with my life yet i want to end it. im so lonely but too scared to stick with a relationship. been looking into getting a dog maybe that will help. sorry i kind of went off on a tangent but i can kinda relate. if you dont want to bother ur friend ill listen to you vent. maybe ill learnr something about myself by hearing your story.