Ok first of all, no one forced you to marry her as you say, so stop acting like a helpless victim. Secondly, it sounds like she's grappling with some serious demons. Was she abused growing up? Did she experience a trauma? She sounds hyper-vigilant and paranoid, like someone who has to protect themselves from something awful. It sounds like she's fear-driven. Fearful of abandonment, or of being hurt. It never boils down to 'this person is just selfish.' There's always a deeper reason for behavior like this. In my experience, control freaks were often neglected as children and had to figure life out for themselves. Or they were poor and lacked basic resources, so they hoard whatever they can get their hands on later in life. It sounds like it's time for some serious therapy, and you need to be present so she can't manipulate and lie to her therapist. You also need to examine yourself here, what are you guilty of in the relationship besides enabling? Have you given her reason to mistrust you? Have you lied repeatedly so now she feels like she has to control it all to keep things transparent and safe for her? I haven't seen you mention any of your shortcomings, which is a huge red flag and indicates a lack of personal awareness on your part. It takes two people to muck up a relationship.