This sounds like the difference between my immediate family and my extended family.

When I was dating someone toxic, it didn’t take any of them very long to dislike him for various reasons. But the way they responded was very different.

My immediate family was not about to go down without a fight. My siblings would talk to me for hours on end about who he was as a person and how he didn’t treat me the way I deserved. Of course I’d defend him because I felt he was always talked about poorly and felt he wasn’t even given a fighting chance. I finally had to lay down the law and refuse to talk about him or I was out of the picture. My siblings obliged, my mom eventually took a new approach. She would state her dissatisfaction, but would be cordial to him and would let me make whatever decision without making it a battle.

My extended family chose to say nothing. Some of them stopped inviting me around much or hanging out with me. Some would make sure he was included and talk to him but I could see their expression that they weren’t a fan of him. Family members and even practical strangers would tell my mom and sister “that boy ain’t right” but not me.

Damn even my therapist didn’t tell me. Just let me vent.

I don’t blame a single one of them for how they reacted and I understand why everyone did what they did. But the method that helped the most, hands down, was my moms second approach.

Express your disapproval, don’t let things just slide. But be cordial to him (keep your enemies close), and support her decisions. Let her cry to you, but also be honest. To me, that middle ground is the best approach to keep her in your life but also open her eyes a bit.