I’m not an expert but I have a similar history and I’d definitely recommend talking about this with a therapist who has experience working with trauma and the cycle of abuse. There’s something called trauma bonding that can mess with parts of your brain that will make you crave that person. Also, I’d look into attachment theory. There’s a dynamic that plays out in anxious/avoidant relationships that can keep your fight or flight mode constantly activated, and this state of constant activation is fundamentally missing in relationships with a securely attached partner, and that might feel like a lack of “spark”. In a relationship with a securely attached person in which an anxiously attached person gets their needs met, they don’t have that constant “hunger” for that person because they’re not having to work to receive love from them. Definitely go over your honest feelings and thoughts in therapy, and I’d also recommend reading about attachment theory, if you haven’t. There’s a book called Attached that’s just amazing.

I mean, those are possibilities. The mind can be unpredictable. I would recommend examining you would be content with committing to him knowing there’s a chance you would never feel it.