Should I be concerned that my BF has expressed a desire to physically hurt me during sex?

That's what this post is about...a man beating a woman.

I think this is more so a post about a man asking to consensually role play with his partner. Some people, some women, like being fucked up during sex. I'll try to better explain what I mean, see if it helps you understand a little.

For me, personally, pleasure in the usual sense of the word does not exist in sex, it's just not a sensation I am capable of feeling in those moments. Gentle touches, soft kisses, heavy petting, it just does nothing for me and hasn't since high school. More to the point, it actually annoys me. Not for any philosophical reason, just a physiological one. So I like rough sex. There is something animalistic and satisfying about feeling flesh break under your nails, the initial pop of skin breaking under your teeth and the warm, salty, coppery taste that follows, even when there is zero desire to inflict lasting damage. So like, in yoga, we talk about finding our "edge." That place beyond soreness but before [lasting] injury. And for some people, that place is quite a ways further down on the spectrum.

On the other side of the coin, we have some people that are good, kind, supple persons but that have a quiet rage in them. A rage they would never inflict on a victim but that does require a release. Maybe it's weight lifting, maybe it's drumming, maybe it's consensually role playing a fight with your lover.

For a very long time, I had fantasies and the desire to have the ever living shit choked out of me. I wasn't getting anything from "just having sex." And most people are very afraid of that, to be on either end of that fantasy. I once asked a lover to oblige me (this was a guy that looked and acted hard core, tatted up, pierced, into guns and drinking and fighting, you know the kind) and he immediately went soft, citing "I don't think I can do that, I love you, I don't want to treat you like a prostitute." To which my reply is "I asked you to consensually choke me, not pay me to do it." So, I went a very long while being rather underwhelmed by the majority of my sexual encounters.

Then, one day, through a past lover that was familiar with my tastes, I was introduced to a man that had the quiet, controlled rage within him that I needed. He never disrespected me, he was always gentle and affectionate before and after play. And during play, I gave him unfettered control, he did not take it from me. He hit me but he did not abuse me. I spend most of my days managing and facilitating other people, in my work life and my personal life, it's tiring. I'm Type A Lite, and relieving myself, relinquishing control to someone I trust to guide me through pain is bliss. I'm unable to think through the pain, worry through the pain, be anxious through the pain. It's meditative, in a way. And for him, expending the energy is much the same. Releasing that energy upon me, with my permission, frees him from the fear of himself and frees him from the guilt of having that rage in him to begin with. And he does feel guilt for it, if it is not expended [constructively]. So, again, almost meditative, in a way.

I think there's also this element akin to "cute aggression." http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/cuteness-inspires-aggression/ When you are so attracted to someone that just being against their skin isn't deep enough, you need to crawl into their skin, under the muscle, and burrow into the small hollow under the left rib and curl into a ball in their veins. (I've done a lot of drugs, can you tell?) And there is such release to be had there. To be wholly unfettered in your lust and you rage with no guilt nor fear.

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