I want to preface this by saying your husband made a huge mistake and his dishonesty and lack of trust need addressed. You have every right to feel the way you do. To add some perspective though might be helpful. Your husband may be a jerk who doesn’t deserve you or your young family, but he also may have some mental problems that you could help him heal from and become even closer. If he has a history of anxiety, especially social anxiety, he may benefit from personal therapy. It is very difficult to separate reality from paranoa when you have intrusive thoughts based in anxiety gnawing at you. I think he imagined a future where he was happy with his family and everything was really great and then found out his son was not his and all of the sudden his family falls apart where he realizes his worst fear of not being good enough is true. After his friends helped him think this was an actual possiblity or even the most likely outcome. The paternity test was his way of stopping the anxiety and getting it out of his head. What he did was hurtful and he probably doesn’t deserve your compassion, but only you know what your husband is like. I made alot of assumptions so maybe this is bad advice, but I doubt the paternity test had much to do with you, but his own anxiety and intrusive thoughts (Although it would be very hard to not take personally). Whatever happens between you and him, implore him to seek personal help from a psychiatrist in addition to marriage counseling. I wish you the best whatever you decide for you and your family.

I want to add that therapy with a psychiatrist has helped me heal from anxiety and intrusive thoughts and has taught me tools to combat intrusive thoughts when they do happen. I would obsess over the most irrational things. It would make me second guess some of the most important relationships family and otherwise because I was afraid of losing them and would envision what the worst possible things that could happen and then would obsess. Even though I “knew” they were irrational and implausible I second guessed even my own family’s intentions when they were only being great and supportive family. I just know this could have been me before therapy and it makes me sad to think I could have ruined my life and actually did hurt my own family because of my own problems before seeking help.