Should I message the youth pastor who tried to "fix" me for being gay?

If you don’t, will you regret not doing it?

I ‘confronted’ my abuser on his deathbed. I use quotes because I didn’t really confront him with anything really challenging, more just asked questions. He didn’t seem sorry or to acknowledge the abuse in any way; he did say if he’d hurt anyone he was sorry about that - but in that way people do when they believe they were perfectly justified in their actions.

I didn’t say everything I wanted to say. And I didn’t get any explanation or apology. He didn’t learn anything. But I AM SO GLAD I stood up for my younger self. I was very scared (still am scared even though he’s dead) - so I’m glad I practised being brave. For trying damn hard to be the person I want to be - someone who won’t stand for abuse.

I am not saying you should do it - your situation is very different. It is up to you. But if you do, consider the worst case scenario outcome and decide if it is something you could handle. You could message him from a new anonymous account - and if you don’t want a response you can delete the account after you message.

I think him changing his belief and behaviour is very much against the odds. I think of it like this: the person with the different belief is there in the middle of the forest with their beliefs. You’re on the edge of the forest yelling but they can’t hear you. You’ve got to go in to the forest and walk them out, step by step, to get to where you are. And only then can they see your point of view. I’m not saying to do all that, just that it could help to consider his point of view and goals.

Like it might help to let him know of the pain and trauma he caused, and that ultimately he did not succeed in his goal. He did the opposite. And if he wants people to be healed and whole and to have Jesus in their heart or whatever, he needs to find a more accepting and compassionate way to understand and communicate with people. And that’s what Jesus would do right? Lol

Sorry this got so long. I hope it makes sense and is useful in some way.

/r/TooAfraidToAsk Thread