Thank you for the kind words! What a sweet community here.
I likely do need professional help, but I am not sure what that would look like. I also do not think I need it, because I found someone who will not take advantage of me who I care about and like very much.
In past relationships, it was the difference between being compelled and feeling out of control, vs doing something I want to do for someone I truly like and enjoy their company.
And in the past it has been very dangerous (like I was scared for my life at times). That is not the case now. You have to understand I have been in very bad situations before. Like "dating" a heroin addict, well she was just using me but it ended very badly, worse than anyone can imagine. I went through a lot. That one also very badly needed to be loved.
I read this BBC article once that really opened my eyes about the difference between liking something and a deeper kind of motivation, like the motivation to eat. That there were motivation systems more compelling than just enjoyment, the kind that drive addictions.
So I guess I am saying I am happy with her. I didn't really like the previous relationship, I just felt trapped by her need. Not this time.
I guess I want to know if there is a healthy way to have a codependent relationship? Because the need is real. She needs someone who will take care of her. That's not in my head.
The best case scenario would be for her to live in some kind of group home and be a ward of the state for the rest of her life, that is without someone to take care of her but she is extremely resistant to that idea. I really can't stress it enough the fact that she is unable to take care of herself. It's not just a matter of earning a living.
I do think with the right support structure and a lot of therapy she could find peace. So yeah! We need therapy for her, or I need therapy on how to better support her!
Well thanks for trying, as you see I am a lost cause but keep in mind I am strong, I can work, I can make money. I have family that looks out for me. I will never be homeless or hungry. I live in great privilege so I don't see a problem in helping other people.
The amount of strangers I have helped is in the dozens, maybe over 100 of just reaching out (I always initiate) and asking what they need and doing my best to help.
My friend in Canada truly makes me a better person. I want to be more patient and calm, so i work on it every day. More healthy and fit so we can go hiking like I know she used to love. Do better professionally so I can afford to take care of her. Save money so I can buy a house for us.
All these things I couldn't do without her because I did not have the fuel to motivate myself and convert desires into action.