My S.O posted this. It was a beautiful Sunday, and I thought we were having a wonderful day, that our troubles were finally behind us and we could be happy. But then I read this, and it was a devastating blow to think he was once again pining away for this fictional character. He had been euphoric for many months thinking of this episode, oblivious to the acute pain and suffering he causes me. I never thought I could suffer so much in my entire life. I had no intention of telling him this about her secret profession, why hurt my S.O.? Even though he hurt me so badly, I could not do it to him. Better to just move on. But then he posted this, and I had to burst his bubble of euphoria. Now he blames me, because this is what abusers do: they blame everybody else for hurting them. They take no responsibility for the pain they cause others. This "chemical reaction" he talks about is the hormones oxytocin and dopamine, the etymology for the word "dope". The addict is "doped up" on his own brain chemistry. I read that these hormones are as addictive as cocaine. Addicts will to anything to feed their addiction, no concern for consequences to them or their loved ones. This explains why addicts engage in high risk behavior. They are euphoric. Their victims are collateral damage, we are not even considered. My S.O. wipes out of his brain any painful experiences, and this is the case here. Because he completely wiped out the bad memories of what actually happened at the time, the ugly break-up, his critical comments, finally woke up to her "agenda". At the time, he said he was ashamed. He forgot that he reported this because he lives in a state of denial. Just like addicts do, he was having a relapse, that beautiful Sunday. I have already suffered so much, trying so hard to help him deal with his painful past, deal with my own pain, move on, etc. We have to keep moving forward. We can't have relapses. My S.O. feels betrayed by this person, he's angry. Does he have any idea how I feel? Um, no. Because the adult victim of childhood abuse is a professional victim and they feel justified in everything they do. Displacing their pain, going off like an erupting volcano feels so good, they feel positively euphoric. A professional victim is a child, thinks like a child, totally self absorbed like a child. Its their identity, their security blanket used to shield them from their world of pain: their own pain and the pain they inflict. The professional victim loves their victimhood, just like drug addicts love their drugs and love getting into rehab (the drug addict identity, rehab is like Old Home Week for addicts). The last thing a professional victim wants to do is to stop repressing all of their childhood abuse. That would mean reliving their pain, dealing with their pain, processing their pain and finally moving into adulthood. Leaving the pain, the victimhood in the past. That is the scariest proposition to take responsiblity for their own abusive behavior. Because then the abuser would have to feel the pain of their victims, to confess, to take responsibility, to apologize and ask for forgivenesss. This is the only way to recover from an abusive childhood. I can never recover until my S.O. does this for me. I think he does not have the courage to do what he needs to do for hiimself and for me.