in many of your points, you are getting confused between OS and applications
AFAICT he isn't
wifi isn't working
I'll assume Broadcom because market share, all drivers work perfectly for the community.
suspend isn't working
It only works on 4GB of RAM, with Windows too, but idk your setup to be fair
backlit keyboard isn't working
and you're getting confused between your keyboard manufacturer and the kernel. Install fresh windows and we'll see it if works
trackpad isnt working unless it's a 5-year-old computer
Idk your setup, again
if you have a Window program that was made for Windows 3.1, chances are it will still work in Windows 10 unless the programmer disabled compatibility.
No comment
On Linux I upgrade a framework and a dozen apps stop functioning altogether
What framework?
on Linux, some apps use GTK 2, some apps use GTK 3, some apps use Qt, so look&feel is never consistent
GTK+2 and GTK+3 use the same look and feel, Qt should too
on Linux, most apps don't work if you have a HiDPI monitor
Everything works fine on XFCE
I could go on...
do it