Well, do what you want to do-but from your statement, it doesn't seem like you want to do much. Nihilism doesn't have to be pessimism per se, and it can be liberating and a source of optimistic thought for those that feel trapped by repressive traditional social structures. Seeing a therapist can definitely help, as it seems like talking is a basic human urge that is complicated in everyday relationships. And emotional issues with a biological origin can be treated with medications without you doling your individuality or "selling out". There is evidence that therapy helps, and the crux of choosing continued existence means catering to your own needs in order to enjoy that which we did not choose.

Finding out what you DO want -and can consider worthwhile- is an incredible investment toward enjoying life. It may be worth it to consider that finding personal direction and ultimate happiness may not be possible for many to undertake alone- it is hard to break away from habitual patterns of self-hate and pessimism. My advice is to eat a good sandwich and go talk to somebody, it's probably not going to hurt and you can always kill yourself later after you exhausted all your options to find enjoyment. To desire to be unhappy is stupid, because feeling good is the best part of nothing being objectively meaningful.

Now, if you gain pleasure from the pain of others or animals- you need to get help. Even though it might not have any meaning to the grand plan of the universe, behavior and urges like this are super bad for your ultimate happiness and rational sanity in a social structure that requires us to interact with others. Feeling violent to others or the subject of their weird interspecies love affairs and also needing inescapably to rely on them and interact with them means you're trapped in a fucky paradox that either needs to be redirected so your desires aren't paradoxical, or after complete failure in this case- the desires need to end. It is possible to desire only the unreasonable, an undeniable curse of our consciousness. I believe Oregon offers assisted suicide for the chronically depressed- only after other options have been exhausted.

Good luck