[Shower Thought] The expectation of fidelity, even in extreme situations

This is probably the most I will spill about our situation, and I will probably delete it later.

I could give a shit about finances. I'd happily give her 90% of my paycheck. Just give me enough to have a modest apartment and survive off of. I don't need anything else, and I'm more than happy providing for her and our children.

The major problems are that - yes, she is a SAHM. She has a college degree, but one in a field that's not really applicable for searching for jobs as a mother. Realistically she'd need to go back to school...4 years and however much that would cost. More than that though, she has a very strained relationship with her own family and has sort of burned bridges with mine. Her old friends have all relocated to far away, and she struggles keeping new friends. Bottom line - her support network is close to non-existent. If we split up she would have nowhere to go and no resources to help her get back on her feet. There's a lot more to the story than that, and I know you might want to say "But, there's..." but in this case, there isn't. You're just gonna have to trust me on this.

So if I leave, I'm leaving her high and dry. Her and our kids. I could leave and continue to support her, but that makes things harder logistically. Not to mention she's very prideful so if I left there's a good chance she'd refuse any help I tried to offer and suffer. This isn't an assumption, she's done it before/is doing it now. We do not live in an area where I would get custody of the kids in any circumstance, where childcare services or assistance is any sort of reliable resource, or where she would be able to get a decent job as a single mother, nor would any men want to even touch her should she want to get back into the dating world (I believe you said women over 20 are invisible? Try being one over 30 with kids...).

I guess I just don't understand why his wife isn't hearing how desperately unhappy he is with their sex life

Oh, she knows. She is perfectly aware that I am very unhappy with this aspect of our relationship.

and why they aren't going to counseling or actively working on that part of their marriage.

I have tried to get her to go to counseling. She refuses. I suspected she might be suffering from postpartum depression or something, and after a lot of pleading and negotiating I got her to go to a walk-in session once. The attendant chatted with her for 20 minutes and told her she was "100% fine". ...She will not go to counseling again.

/r/adultery Thread Parent