Sick.. possibly gonna die from second go round with cancer. I’m not afraid of dying but the thought of chemo and radiation and being deathly sick is terrifying !! Why do I feel so indifferent about this ?

I was in the exact same boat. Chemo and radiation bought me more time but I am still terminal. I only did treatment for my loved ones really. Part of me is glad bc even though it was hard and I still deal w the side effects that affect my everyday life, I enjoy the time I have w my friends/family. the pain of surgery/radiation/chemo is temporary (my side effects are bearable for me). Yet On the same hand I sometimes wish my death had already happened and that I didn’t have more time that treatment gave me. What I’ve come to is to surrender to the flow of things if they’re presented to me. I’m more at peace than I would have been, knowing that I’ve done everything in my power but also drew a line and am not going to do anymore treatment after I completed chemo and radiation. Everything is so subjective and depends on you and your situation but I hope this helped your perspective

/r/death Thread