Non-military PTSD here too.....repeated abandonment and rejection by both parents, 15 schools in 4 countries by the time I was 14, boarding schools, orphanages, mental, physical and sexual abuse at the hands of caregivers, starvation, extreme poverty, no physical contact by anyone that I can recall.

So today, I overcompensate. I treated my last partner to trips overseas because that's what I knew growing up, travel and the excitement of it (going away again for an extended period soon - my escape). I bought her items she couldn't afford because I loved her and it was a reward for her making me happy whenever I was with her. I crave physical contact, and her touch and snuggling with her was an antidote to all my pain. I tried my best to cook good meals because I never wanted her to feel hungry.

I did that for her, the ones before her, my ex....but in the end, I did too much (yeah, I read all the articles about smothering), because I was scared that by not doing enough, I would lose them...and I still lost them...

Lessons learned. I can't go through this again. Accepting that it's only going to repeat (0 for 5 in 10 years including the ex wife). The PTSD is a destroyer of people. If I do venture into another relationship, it wont matter about who or what they are. Like you said, as long as they are extremely affectionate. Hold me, touch me, squeeze me, kiss me, cuddle with me, embrace me, caress me, spoon with me, fall asleep on my chest, nibble my ears, stroke my hair, do all this without me asking...because it's everything I will do to her....the touch...the touch is my heroin, my crack....