This sounds familiar (except we think I drank a roofied drink meant for a my female friend). I didn't even feel that violated, to be honest. I don't use a throwaway ever, and I don't want to get into too much detail on reddit, but I feel for you, man. It's a weird spot, right?

Personally, I don't want to consider myself to be a victim (and I honestly don't), but I don't feel entirely blameless (it's almost like a weird shame because I didn't stop it or I cause I don't remember it, or something). I share my story openly, and hear what others have to say, but I'm a bit reluctant to accept what they say ("bro, you were 100% raped") because I don't feel that it's true.

I mean, I know it's technically true, but all that stuff that's supposed to follow a "I was raped"-confession just isn't there for me. They say I'm in denial and I don't think I am, but I'm worried they might eventually convince me... but is that even right? I feel like maybe I could create all that, but all that stuff they say is there - I just don't feel it. How the hell would they know what I feel? Sometimes I wonder if they want me to feel like a victim but I can't think of a reason for that. I'm honestly a bit scared to even mention my experience because, as a man, I don't feel like I have much of a right to - almost like it takes away from the experience of women. Again, guilt. It's weird.

Even though I've been through worse and gotten over that stuff, I feel like I'm never going to be 100% okay with this because there is just no good way to resolve it. I was the one who was passed out, so why am I afraid? I realized that my experience has exposed me to a lot of risk, not just physical risk, but legal risk if my friend changed her story ever. I would be powerless if she did that - it's been on the back of my mind for years.

Me and my friend never saw each other again. I think we were both too afraid to revisit what happened that night. She's probably afraid I'm going to tell people what she told me, and I'm afraid she's going to reverse her story. We both walked away from the whole thing a little shaken, sure, but really not too bad. I think we kind of silently agreed to just leave it there. And that's where it's always sat, and where it probably (hopefully?) will always sit: just something that happened.