Single lady demisexuals, how do you deal with men?

I constantly, constantly explain and am incredibly upfront - 'I don't have casual sex'.

Where and when in a dating context are you saying this?

There are some very unfortunate and prominent examples of places where if one says it, it's going to be disregarded due to use as a fig leaf and empty platitude by allosexual women in the dating game, such as to "sanitize" their use of Tinder or dating sites to avoid censure from their peers/employers/religious communities.

Every time the guy does this song and dance about how much of deep person he is and how he doesn't mind

Virtue signaling is generally a bad sign, yeah. Have you really not encountered someone who understands what being demisexual is and acknowledges having some level of understanding of the subject without making a big deal about it?

IT ALWAYS, without fail, turns into him thinking he's an exception to the rule I so clearly laid out.

We are the heroes of our own stories, you're basically running into raw human nature here, the only real variability is going to be how much faster they'd expect to forge a connection with you than has been laid out. Or get their dick wet if they're grossly incompatible or just plain gross.

Verbally, everything I'm communicating is saying 'I want to get to know you better than you know yourself.'

If you're literally saying that, then you might consider changing the script, because that sounds like one of those empty platitudes that allosexual women will say to appease their own sense of propriety or the sense of propriety by which they believe other allosexual women will judge them by to determine whether or not they'll try to slut shame.

'That's an awkward thing to say' when I firmly lay out the fact that no, I'm not having sex tonight, I just want to get to know you.

Are you commonly going back alone to their places after a night out together? Or are you saying this while out in public?

I have to say, if things aren't lasting a week due to meltdowns over not having been laid in that time, then going over to their places would seem premature, even by the standards of many allosexual women who do engage in sex early on in dating or in casual contexts.

b) Who understood that not stripping off my clothes and fucking them within the first week was not rejection.

If they're thinking that you're an allosexual woman, it can be under certain paradigms and in certain age groups. If they know and understand that you're demi, then, yeah, shitheels are as shitheels do.

And I feel awful for thinking it, but as a demi

You're actively thinking of having sex with you as something that other people have to work towards and earn?

That's probably not helping matters. Especially with the amount of frustrating shit you have to deal with and sift through.


As frustrating as your experiences have been and as hard as a row to hoe this is, it sounds like you have the seeds to start coming up with tighter criteria to identify incompatibility faster and with less fuss or risk of ending up in bad situations. Provided you can find a way to de-stress and work against having your heart poisoned by this.

/r/demisexuality Thread