Single people: what are the most frustrating things about dating today?

I know why people ghost people.

It’s backlash for trying to force things or, for those who say “I didn’t force anything”, it’s because you were too open and blunt with your intentions or revealed something that may eventually have not been a turn off once she got to know more things about you.

How do I know? I took a lesson from ol’ seabiscuit herself:

I signed up for grindr to figure out what it would feel to be hit on by men non-stop and to see what tactics kinda opened me up or interested me from the receiving end. I had been pursued a lot by gay men irl, so I decided to just forgo the picture all together in order to be a little less overwhelmed. I just made my profile the gender neutral version of my tinder profile.

I went in just looking for openings lines and followups, and never even considered ghosting anyone... but I ghosted waaaay more guys that I thought I ever would as I have had it done to me and it hurts. But Some guys just seemed like they were trying so hard that no matter what you said to them they would try to parry, counter, reflect, whatever they could do to steer back to the pursuit, like if you made it clear you wanted to talk about anything they would go back to their own interests because they want to make sure you fit in their box.

One thing about every single person on grindr, everyone took no for an answer when I needed to be stern.m and nobody was too rude, except one trans woman who behaved like I sent her a picture of her father when she asked for my face... which I only ever sent to her, kinda hurt lady...

Anyway, the guys that I actually spoke to and enjoyed speaking to were the ones that would just ask me about themselves and five me a little about them in a general way to catch my interest. Which I noticed if the question was general enough, I adapted it to me either way. The downside to that however is the responses can be too personal and not everyone is a great writer. Don’t ask them to clarify, just choose something they mentioned and make a statement about it.

So I deleted grindr and just “talked” to girls on tinder. “How do you like the town, are you from here?” or “do you have any art/music do you make?” Always while answering the question yourself so they can’t ask the same question back or hit you back with a “u?”. But it’s important to let allow a few easy answers too or conversation becomes tiresome. Eventually they will get curious as to why you keep wanting to talk to them about random things or mention something you are working on.

Never ask for their number. Don’t act like you want to take them out. Treat them like they are your friends from a long time ago and you are catching up over a flexible period of time. Eventually they will either start dropping hints they want to meet, but don’t panic. If you have shown them that you are a patient person then I am sure they will not ghost you.

/r/AskReddit Thread Parent