Siri. Wat?

Be Patriots fan Mom gets you up at 8 Wake up River, it's gameday Put on your Tom Brady jersey Patriot fans are the best fans in the league Grab Cap'n Crunch and milk and turn on pregame Mom turns off TV and takes away Cap'n Crunch "You know you're not supposed to have GMOs for breakfast. Now do your chores." Get grumpy Take trash out Mow lawn Mom says you didn't do it well enough, so do it again Miss first quarter because of chores Complain to Mom Relax, you can watch it now, right? Get cut up hot dogs and cheese for lunch. Your favorite meal! Sit in front of TV. Second quarter, Patriots down 18. Brady gets sacked again! Stupid other team, why do they have to hurt him like that? Can't you see he's just trying to do right by his family, why do they have to be so mean? Yell bad words at TV Dad says to knock it off. Mom comes in and turns off the TV "You've used all of your TV time for the weekend, it's time to start your homework" Cry Call mom a bitch Get sent to room without dinner Run to room and slam door shut That'll teach 'em Pass out crying on Legion of Boom bedsheets Wake up It's 8:30, time for bed. But mom, I'm not sleepy! We saved you a tofu burger for dinner if you want Is it gluten free? Of course it is Eat tofu burger Take shower, put on pajamas Mom comes into bed to tuck you in Did we win Mom? Yeah, Brady pulled it out again. Pump fist in bed, so happy. Mom sings you a lullaby and tucks you in Goes to door, blows you a kiss good night Intercepted by Alford

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