Sitting in my room with a loaded gun.

Take what I'm about to say with a grain of salt. But I know where you're coming from because I've been there. I was bullied throughout school too, made me feel ugly, worthless, stupid - an outcast. My dad always talked down about himself and I heard these things and that also rubbed off on me. I started to believe all of these things. I spent the majority of my teenage years and early adult life in 'hiding'. I wasn't always the victim, I did some things later on that I really came to regret. People have assumed the same about me, that I'm overdramatic and out for attention. Talking about everything has definitely helped me tremendously, sort of helped to clear it out of my system.

I've felt stuck, stupid, and afraid for the future. I've worried that I might not make it to 30 - or if I did I wouldn't be the same. All of this self hatred and not really having an effective outlet to channel my feelings and pent up frustrations growing up caused me to self harm and really hurt my body. In fact, I've had several close calls earlier this year, nearly dying on at least one occasion. I was also in a head on collision a few months ago but walked away with superficial scratches.

I started to realize that, hey, I've had plenty of opportunities to die here. But I haven't. Even when it almost seemed certain that one time. So I think I'm meant to be here for a while longer. For myself, for my family, and others. Maybe it's not too late for you. Killing yourself is permanent...and if you somehow didn't manage to kill yourself but still injured yourself very badly..I wouldn't even want to think about that.

I refuse to believe you're a burden to everyone, or that the future won't look brighter for you. I haven't given up on myself, even though I've had ample opportunity too - don't give up on yourself, either.

/r/SuicideWatch Thread