SO30 Sex Report Sunday!

I would encourage you to never let anyone else define you.

I have mentioned this obliquely in previous posts, but I once was in a very destructive relationship (way complicated and bizarre backstory that would need 10,000 words) and at its end, which she initiated, I had exactly the same reaction as you intimate above - even though this gal fucking destroyed me, I wanted her to come back. Due to her massive issues, which she hid and disguised like some devious and lethal black widow, she projected her issues on me, and I was too stupid to see it. "All of this is your fault because you are. . ." Fill in the blank. But for the two years prior to our massive implosion, all she wanted to know was when I would ask her to marry her. We actually got engaged, which was when the shit storm hit. Listening to her, I couldn't believe what a piece of shit I was. It took me five months to realize I wasn't a piece of shit.

I have a sister that really relies on me and looks up to me. She was completely shaken by what she saw happening to me - in other words what I was doing to myself.

I have no idea if any of this applies to your sitch, but my sister, and others, woke me up by telling me to just look around and count the number of really good relationships I had prior to the black widow showing up. My sister said, "she's just one. She doesn't matter." She was dead right. Once I realized that I was dealing with a mightily fucked up gal, and that my relationship with her was shit on a hundred levels, it occurred to me how much I had changed my personality to fit her. What a mistake.

I have nothing really to offer you except my experience. I can promise you that there is someone out there that will think the sun rises and sets on you. I know that sounds like a Hallmark card, but it's true.

be you. Always be you. It has worked for you in the past, and it will work again. Just be you.

/r/sexover30 Thread Parent