I know this is an old thread, but I hope I can contribute something. My ex and I got back together several months ago after a breakup of a few days that I initiated because I finally realized that we were in a cycle of unresolvable arguments since neither of us were able to communicate our needs. Even the short breather we had gave me enough space to realize the patterns of behaviors that made me part of our conflicts.

However, I also knew that our problems were resolvable with enough thoughtfulness and willingness to identify our problems and come up with resolutions. When we broke NC we were trying to get on a path of reconciliation.

Here's where all of my reason flies out the window. I loved this man with all my heart. When he saw me he was so intense and passionate that I dropped all my guard and didn't set my boundaries that we went from holding to kissing to sex. It was only in the aftermath that I wanted to discuss how to stop our habits of getting into arguments, how we could better empathize with each other's needs. I should've hit the brakes when he said "just keep doing what you were doing -- everything will be fine." But he was in love and I was in love and we were being so incredibly optimistic.

Several months later and we were once again arguing weekly. We initially practiced patience and sympathy, but because we never discussed the underlying issues, that resentment festered and our emotional trust in each other had eroded.

It hurts like shit because even though I recognized that this was happening, I stayed committed because I hoped that we'd both have a downtime in our lives to re-evaluate and have that important discussion. Unfortunately, we were both already very stressed with studying towards two very intense and time-consuming degrees. He was dealing with depression, and finally he called it quits.

Honestly I feel like a fucking idiot. I was no angel during our relationship, but I always had the patience and love to endure. I do empathize with his need to work on himself, but this was the third time he pulled the trigger to give up on us.

And yet, there's still a little part of me that holds out hope that we'd be able to grow and come back to try again.