Once upon a time I was an unemployed, frustrated fuck. I was socially awkward and didn't have any friends. I sucked at relationships. I used to wonder how my parents handled it. I belonged to an upper middle-class family, and had relatives who lived the hi-fi exotic life. I myself preferred a minimalist lifestyle with less drama. My dad started losing grip of his power and influence in his party, and not long after we had to sell lands and properties to sustain. And so we ended up a middle class family. The "upper" was gone. Things started getting shitty for me. The sons and daughters of my relatives, they were enjoying life. All of them had their special someone. They partied, they toured, they chilled. They were destined to move to the US when they finished college. They had contacts there. The badi maas and uncles, they used to tell me over family dinners, "KP, kya baat hai beta? Tum apne umar ke ladke jaise behave kyun nai karte? Arey , ladki patao, party karo, selfie khicho, moj masti karo. Chill bro!" I had zero sense of fashion. I used to wear my father's oldschool cotton pants and tshirts. The badhi maas and choti maas used to tell me, "KP, kyon budhe logon ki tara dress up karte ho? Hamare Abhishek ko dekho, woh mehengi brand ki topnotch kapde kharidta hai. Abhi bhi umar hai beta, thoda hatke banna sikho". I ignored them. Those fucks. It was no good explaining them the futileness of materialistic living. It was everything for them, so I didn't want to break it to them what a bunch of insignificant puppets they were. And how futile their show off was. How they couldn't do my baal baka. Upper middle-class slaves whose shit smelled less shittier than us middle class ones. Both nevertheless slaves of the elite capitalist families. And here I was. A passionless fuck with no chill, overthinking and doing mindless things. I hated being caged inside this web of relationships and responsibilities. I thought I would wait for every intervening elderly fuck in my life to die and then start living. I felt this city didn't have much to offer me. Not with people bossing me around, anyway. I thought about India. Despite the poverty, the casual political drama and crime headlined I used to watch on that Top 100 countdown shit on Aajtak, I still thought of India as a socio-economical hub which catered to my big plans. So one day I ran away from home and headed towards India. I had INR 2500 with me. I had made a big decision, so I had to stop thinking like the sorry fuck I used to be. I thought big. I had to make smart, calculated moves. I thought about starting a business through the ocean, import and export. But I let that plan slide for a while. Then I thought I would work for the Indian Railway. It would be an adventure, I thought. India. Big place, big exposure, endless opportunities. I would get a small room in a busy slum. I would work hard. Make an honest living. Bang chicks in the slum. Keep a low profile. Publish some books under a pseudonym maybe. I wasn't sure. But I felt like dropping those messy ship trades and thought of the minimalist ideology I used to strive for. I came to India with plans of being a business mogul, a mobster maybe, like Tony Soprano, but I chose the hard-working and modest village life, like Billu Barber. It was all in my head, these thoughts. I hadn't chosen anything yet. But I snapped back to reality, whoops there goes gravity, no I won't give up that easy. If running away was my only choice, like life-and-death situation kind of choice, I would've stayed. But the reality was I had two bed-ridden midde-aged parents whom I had caused great pain, even as an adult. I had been a drug addict. A thief. A kidnapper. A sexual offender. I returned home two days later, without ever reaching Delhi. A lot of effort went to change things back home. Not giving a fuck didn't work. Now here I am, a 27 year old healthy, happy male with a job and talks of my marriage going on. If God granted one wish, I would choose to marry Shruti Hassan. That ad. "Latak matak chatak matak orangey fanta..." I'd fap to that ad. That sexy, intelligent bitch! Enjoy your vacation, man.