Someone put it into words

I've been working on a poem about this very thing on and off for the last 20 years or so.... I thought I'd share it here...(I've written so many versions of this...I don't think it's finished yet...)

unbecoming

within the high, cool walls of speech my feet follow saturday

from the dark hallway into blinding light

out to stillness and back again

my hands complete a ritual that is not mine

a staccato code from below

a punctuated kitchen prologue

keeps me on course

metal striking metal

wood flung against wood

meandering in the air

a wild dog in the rising heat

my skin itches

and then like that nightmare

the one where you run smack into the thing that terrifies you the most

and you wonder how you can be dreaming this again

the deep saturday ringing is there

penetrating my skin

my bones

my brain

its meaning shocking my insides

and even then I know

(a hoof strikes cobblestone
I am sure of it
one and then another and another
a cascade of raindrops on tin
sharp
windblown
going somewhere)

I listen for the rushing sound

slippered quiet on the stairs

the sun grows mute on the dresser top

and I wonder what I am holding

/r/tumblr Thread Link - i.redd.it