Sounds like you're a goldmine for your opponents. Maybe it's time to accept you're not successful at poker and quit for good. Maybe try blackjack or craps to get your fix... Donking off thousands and thousands on poker has got to stop man. You wasting your time and hard earned money to play a boring (imo) game. Find a new hobby and cut your losses. You've let your poker fuck up make you suicidal and scrape by till payday. Please stop brother. You need to accept you won't make your money back. You'd have to grind an insane amount of hours and catch cards to win and it's not going to happen... Please consider stopping. There are other ways to stimulate your mind besides Texas hold'em...