I dated a girl who was going through some personal and mental health issues, it got really bad for a few weeks/months and culminated with an argument one day where she punched me in the face as hard as she could. It was outdoors, and she claims it was in self defense and never felt she was wrong. The thing is, I came over for our plans and she was upset with me for being 15 minutes late, decided she was going on her own without me for making her wait. I grabbed her car door to try and talk to her and prevent her from running off, which was forceful and impulsive yes, but it occurred only over the course of 3 seconds before she hauled off and clocked me, knocked my glasses off, middle of the day outdoors on the street. The thought never crossed my mind to hit her in retaliation or to evr put my hands on her, all I could do was yell out "DID YOU JUST FUCKING PUNCH ME IN THR FACE??!"

I should have left her. Her mother came out and told her to leave and cool off, and we had a talk about what was happening with her daughter. If the situation was ever reversed, I wouldn't be told to go cool off. No one would have a chat about how to help me. I'd have been arrested and forbidden to ever attempt to contact her again. Id be labeled negatively in many social aspects and probably lose all of my friends and the respect of my own mother. Her friends all took her side and talked about how understandable it was, they could see why she did it. And because she received no social or external criticism, she felt justified.

My response to her was supportive and I helped her get into therapy, but she never acknowledged that what she did was fundamentally wrong. I told her no matter what she did I would never, ever put my hands on her and that I honestly didn't know if I could move forward without her understanding, but i dont think she could. She is not a violent person, but i honestly believe the social experience of being a woman when it came to physical violence and gender differences has had such a profound effect that it doesn't matter what kind of person she is. These sorts of social biases are strong and deeply ingrained. Not only in women, as a male I felt deeply embarrassed and emasculated about being hit and not standing my ground. But how could I say I left a relationship because she was physically abusive, and still keep that make pride that was ingrained in myself?