Everyone handles things differently. I’ve worked EMS for about ten years now with most of that at ghetto city agencies. I’ve had plenty of bad calls but I was never affected by them. Sure, I’d feel bad for the PT or their friends/family, etc., but I wouldn’t feel the need for any type of intervention or anything.

Over the past year or so that’s been changing and I’m starting to have some issues. I find myself remembering calls and scenes from years past that didn’t bother me at the time but are now really affecting me years later. I’m having trouble sleeping, I feel like I’m angry all the time and have lost patience with not only the PTs, but my partners as well. I feel broken and I’m at the point where I’m likely going to quit by the year’s end.

I feel like there’s something wrong with me. I know many people who’ve been working these same systems longer than I have and who’ve had the same and worse experiences, but they’re 100% fine. Do they have a better way of coping? Or do they have a longer fuse? I don’t know.

I do know that I wish I had talked to someone or dealt with things much earlier.