>I have a really hard time subscribing to the forced assumptions that you need to feel and think like everyone else. Conformity is a disease and I hate the idea of having to think and feel like the majority just because that’s normal to most
Yes, I agree. Hive like mentalities are detrimental. I see existentialism as a means to discover/attribute meaning in a way that is unique to an individual. It's these unique visions that could help us evolve beyond the mundane restrictions of expression imposed by societal norms.
> What if depression is just a natural response to the world we live in?
I believe neuroticism to be a natural part of everyone. I also kinda see neuroticism and nihilism going hand in hand. I think everyone has feelings like anxiety, envy, depressed moods/general moodiness, and overall loneliness from time to time. It's more or less how one's mind is constructed to perceive things/interaction that will determine how aggressive their neurotic nature will be, making some individuals perhaps more predisposed to neurotic thoughts. For instance, I believe the more intelligent/ self aware to be more predisposed to neuroticism and nihilistic ideas. I see it as what's driving the intelligent to constantly figure stuff out; to be curious. One has capability to use these nuerotic/nihilistic thoughts as a catalyst to better themselves. It's entirely up to you what that better version is though.
Taking neuroticism/general depression into account, I'm going to digress a bit and go on a rabbit trail and talk a bit about aspects of analytical psychology. It's up to you, the reader, if you want to read this section. For me, It is rather fascinating and could perhaps help you too. I understand everyone's different though, so who knows?
Carl Jung held the notion that neurotic natures were tensions between the ego (conscious mind) and the subconscious. It seemed Jung believed neurotic natures would arise when the ego had lost a sense of purpose and meaning. In addition, lack of any firm religious ideals could cause neurosis. Is this a bad thing? Not necessarily. I believe it is dependent wholly on how one is regulating these neurotic thoughts, using them to better themselves as a whole. I would go so far to say that it is essential for everyone to go through a period of neuroticism in order to grow as a person. Pretty much the whole yin-yang notion.
The core challenge: It lies in evolving past our neurotic ideals once we are entrenched in them. Keeping the yin yang notion in mind, we are more than one particular attribute. I see humanity having potential to encompass an unlimited array of archetypes within reality. Carl Jung held the notion of the collective unconscious; the unconscious part of us that is shared among us. Within the collective unconscious there are archetypes. There is no limit to the amount of archetypes present. They could be archetypal figures, archetypal motifs, or archetypal events. As a result of the collective unconscious, everyone has the potential for a limitless amount of archetypes to become actualized. These archetypes reside beyond our lifetimes. Jung seemed to see it on an evolutionary timescale. A popular archetype, anima/animus: Anima representing feminine principle within man and animus representing masculine principle within women. The anima is seen as the ego and the animus is seen as the shadow. In the case of nueroticism, it would reside in the chaotic archetype where stability is obviously seen as order. How can order be understood without chaos and how can chaos be understood without experiencing order. Too much of either is detrimental. There needs to be a balance present. So is depression bad? To an extent no, however, dwelling in nothing but depressed thoughts can lead to fragmentation. The key is to evolve, getting to know perhaps our shadow complexes. Depression can be something beautiful if one uses these neurotic thoughts as a catalyst to grow as a person.
> “Existence could be beautiful, or it could be ugly. But that’s on you.” - This quote just about sums it up for me. The idea that life is worth living is completely subjective. Most people aspire, dream, achieve and will live their lives to the beat of their own drum, waking up and falling asleep happy with their reality, and that’s fine. But this doesn’t apply to everyone
This is very true. Nihilism doesn't have to be ugly. However, I think residing in pure Nihilism (basing your entire life philosophy around it) for long periods can be detrimental to development. I see nihilistic thoughts as a catalyst; I see it as a tool to continually push me. Just maybe we could discover meaning, just maybe. It's that maybe in the back of my mind that sometimes pushes me beyond moments of pure Nihilistic thoughts; the thoughts being akin to restlessness at night then waking in a cold sweat. As with the collective unconscious, Is there any proof, no, however I see it as a musing, a very fascinating musing at that (in my opinion of course). That's the beauty of having existential ideals in the mix it that it's up to us. If we don't want to do anything, we don't have to. It kinda comforts me that if I want to stay in bed all day, dreaming away, I can. We are all responsible for our perceptions of reality, and how we assign meaning to it. I could always be in flux, but that what's so cool. Reality is like a playground, you do as you will.
> Call me ill, call me psychotic, call me mentally unstable, as you will. But I can’t and won’t ever admit that the issue lies directly with me and my illness.
Yes, we are all evolving together. We live in a dynamic environment that is sometimes effecting us in ways that we aren't entirely aware of. It takes a lifetime to see how the pieces fit. All of us in existence are constantly effecting this dynamic reality. For instance, one small action could have profound consequences; the butterfly effect. I guess what I'm getting at is that each of us need to take heed of our actions for we don't fully know entirely how it's effecting reality around us.