When I met my wife and got serious (she was a sexy uni student waitress who was freaky) I was sooooo worried about her meeting my family, that I was really fucking worried she'd leave me. I was incredibly fit (still am), smart, owned my own house, earned a lot of money, had been even told by ex girlfriends while professing hate for me that I was good looking, and was very talented in bed and looooooved going downtown, and I knew how many boxes I ticked, yet I still thought meeting my family would reveal how fucked up I was and make her run.

I then did the fake it until you make it bullshit after she forced me to meet my family (made it about me being ashamed of her). It was only when we moved in with each other and she invited my fucking mother over to hand out that I fucking lost it and told her.

It then took me years to get across to her how fucked up my parents were/are. Every time I guaranteed something about them, she didn't believe me and thought I was "being dramatic" or some other bullshit.

But the thing was I faced the same thing with every woman I dated. I learned early on it was better to lie about the family and pretend they weren't fucked, as being normal wouldn't scare women away.

I guess I was lucky and I secretly never wanted to get married, or have kids, as I never wanted to be like my parents. I met the girl of my dreams, and tried my hardest to scare her off, I was so brutally honest about myself I knew the only reason she'd stay with me was she loved me, or was as fucked up as me. But when it came to my family I tried to pretend everything was Ok as she loved her family so much.

So people pretend their family isn't fucked up as we all hope to find someone sane. Crazy parents = crazy kids, so why tell your SO if you like them?

It's complicated and fucked up, and only you can judge if it was worth it once you make it to the other side.

My guess is you need him to realise what you have suffered to be with him and how much misery that woman has brought into your life. Yet, it's painful for him as by relation, that means he brought that into your life.