I used to have a boyfriend for 11 years. He left me last year to be with another woman. I don't think I ever loved him like "normal love", but what I loved beyond everything was the sense of normalcy I had when I was with him.

It was like "see, despite being that weird loner girl I have a guy, and a good looking one, see I'm not THAT weird, there's another human being out there that wants to be with me". Doing regular, everyday kind of things would make me so happy. The first time we went grocery shopping together was one of my best memory. I wanted to scream at everyone "Look ! I'm a regular human being doing regular human being stuff with other regular human being!"

Since he left I'm stuck in a conundrum of wanting to experience that "being normal" feeling all over again, but on the other hand, I need to find another guy I'm comfortable with and can stand to be with. And since my ex last words to me where "I'm sorry it ended up this way but I want to be with a normal girl again. She's everything you're not, I just want to live a normal life with a normal girl". This hurt more than everything. Despite 11 years of feeling like a normal person, it was just an illusion, a smoke screen...

/r/Schizoid Thread Parent