Spent around 11 hours in the past 24 hours working on my personal statement. I feel that it will suffice but I'm quite unsure, if anyone can review it for me and give me some feedback I would GREATLY appreciate it. Thank you.

1.) I am very grateful for you feedback 2.) This is a draft and I would love all of your critiques (and compliments!) 3.) Here's the draft “How about you, kid?” I heard as I gazed up from my oversized hand-me-down trousers. “Do you want to carry the bag first?” Of course I didn’t, but I wasn’t going to say no to my future boss. I heard giggles from the other 14 year old trainees as I tried to lift the heavy golf bag over my shoulder. The 30 pound golf bag banged off of the back of my tiny legs with every step as I hurdled it down the fairway. Not only was I 12 years old, two years below the recommended sign-up age, but I was scrawnier than any 12 year old in my grade, adding an immense level of difficulty to the physical aspect. After carrying it for only 3 holes, the Caddiemaster thought it was time for another trainee’s turn. My shoulders were raw and left with bruises and marks from the frayed strap of the golf bag. I immediately contemplated my decision to sign up to become a caddie at Oak Park Country Club. I had not the slightest knowledge about golf or country club etiquette. I completed the rest of the training anyway, as this job would be a potential way for me to be able to afford the things I’ve always wanted: an xbox, cell phone, and eventually my very own car. Why the Caddiemaster gave me the job was unknown. Was it out of pity? Did he think I wouldn’t last long anyway? I didn’t ponder it for long. Being a social introvert and below mediocre student, I initially felt like a misfit in the country club environment. My first couple of rounds were miserable, I was almost always 10 steps behind the golfer and always making mistakes. After receiving numerous bad ratings and almost getting fired, failing seemed inevitable. I felt something, a feeling that didn’t come often: motivation. As if an innate action deep inside of my subconsciousness; it was as if a switch turned on. An invigorating experience - the birth of responsibility. Not only did I gain a sense of eagerness, but an insatiable determination to accomplish goals. Before I knew it, I was caddying more than 50 hours a week. The country club became my second home. I was not at all doing it for the money anymore, but for the stimulation of my personal mindset. Money is merely an object to fill your pockets, not your soul. By the end of that summer, I had the fourth most number of rounds caddied and a nearly perfect caddie record. This “accomplishment” is much more than a summer job. I discovered something much more euphoric than that; myself. A way to express myself - a way to be myself. Not just mind over matter, but mind over mind. I never feel the need to one-up somebody, only to one-up myself. Not only did I become a caddie and maintain the job, I was one of the top caddies of my rank. As my personality transformed, so did my life. My D average grades quickly turned into all As and some Bs. I began to get involved and give back. I started volunteering with my 8th grade teacher as we visited nursing homes, cooked meals first hand for homeless shelters, and packed food to send to third world countries. Even during the most fruitless period of my life, when failure was not only perpetual but unavoidable, there still remained a thirst for perseverance. In order to defeat the monster of failure, I had to discover myself. Whenever I face a time of hardship or suffering, I reflect on the feeling of bliss and happiness that came with success. I discovered a fiery and genuine passion for whatever I put my keen mind too. 5 years later, I have achieved the highest rank a caddie can achieve and I still enter my second home with the same d

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