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Checking in on the 15th day.

I'm still in but I'm feeling worse than usual. Things such as porn and video games were an easy escape from my problems. They have desensitized me and I would think that nothing was wrong with me, that I was just shy and preferred staying alone to interacting with people.

However, now that I've stopped immersing myself in porn and video games to cope with negative emotions, I'm feeling really lonely. I realised that I don't have any friends - just classmates who I don't really like and with whom I do not enjoy spending time.

I am really bad at social situations and I can't really talk to people, so finding new friends is really difficult.

A part of it is obviously anxiety which has recently subsided a bit, but another thing is I just don't have anything to talk about.

I have no hobbies, I don't even read any books or watch movies and I'm probably the most uninteresting person you would ever meet. I am completely unable to feel anything positive, I have no feelings of satisfaction when I get something done and I don't think there's anything in my life that I truly enjoy. This prevents me from getting involved in anything - I always give up because everything seems pointless to me. I feel completely worthless. I can't say I'm alive, it's more like vegetation. As for literally being alive, I would be better off dead, although I don't want to commit suicide.

I think it's good that I'm feeling sad. It's always better than being numb, unable to feel neither positive nor negative emotions. Now I must completely rediscover myself, as for all these years I only did useless unproductive activities to pass time just so I could go to sleep. If you asked me to say something about myself, I could only say my name.

I have been seeing a therapist for a few months, but only recently I have opened up enough to notice and actually talk about what I'm really feeling rather than just speak about some unimportant things that have happened during the week. I'm also going to go to a psychiatrist soon, as my therapist and other people I talked with tell me I sound like I have depression.

/r/pornfree Thread