I'd love to talk to you, if only to make things feel better for a little while. I've been having mood swings every day. I've just been really unhappy since December but I've been depressed for quite a few years now. But only 'moderate' so not actually high-risk enough. I was told to go to A&E if I was feeling suicidal. Helpful. Standard procedure, I suppose, but says a lot about the state of mental healthcare.

It's really weird, like you said, like everyone's said; the other night, I was really... upset. And I thought to myself "This isn't fun lol. I don't want to be depressed." And I think I'll go ask for antidepressants to keep me going, but then by the time daytime rolls around, I figure I feel fairly optimistic, as if I can function and cope. I work weird hours. 4am onwards.

I'm finding it hard to trust people to stick around. It's hard for me to do things for myself because I just have very little interest/motivation and am not happy doing it. But doing things for other people makes me happy. But people never stick around long enough. And I know they don't do it intentionally (everyone has their own lives/issues/obligations), but it feels as if we meet, we have deep conversations and get to know one another and then when they've slowly worked through their issues and have picked themselves up, we fall out of contact and barely talk.

And if people really cared, they wouldn't keep me at what feels like arms' length. They'd ask how I was or how my day was, or even feign interest. It takes a few seconds to send a pointless text message. You don't have to be a mindreader or know they're depressed to care about someone, or have some compassion. It would've meant so much to me if people I cared about just told me they loved me or cared about me.

Oh yeah, I have Emo Victim Complex :V