I was in a relationship with a girl who was asexual for 3-4 years. I never really understood what it meant to be asexual and she never really understood how i felt either. Everything else worked out more or less we both loved each other. But our sex life was definitely lacking. She said she was only doing it for me which made me feel awful, as though i was forcing her to do something unpleasant. To begin with i think my ego kicked in and I felt a kind of ' well all she needs is my special touch' kind of feeling but it wasn't the case. I began to feel and still do to a degree kind of alienated by the whole process, as though it was my fault that i was unable to conjure any feelings of sexual desire or attraction from my partner- as though i was detestible and vile.

We agreed to a sort of semi-open relationship where i was allowed to fuck whoever i wanted .I am bi and particularly openminded and pretty frisky so to begin with I thought this was what I wanted but in the end i discovered what i wanted was to have a physical relationship with the person i loved.

In the end our relationship ended, yet we are still good friends. In fact we are housemates. I still find her very sexually attractive and on occasion we get drunk and have sex but its odd and wierd and i want to be in a situation where feelings are mutual. I feel sort of sorry for her and hope she doesn't have any regrets.