You're definitely right. As I mentioned before it's an unfortunate aspect of my personality that I can't change. I can go against it but it doesn't make me feel better, only worse. If the worst thing that happens is at the end of my life I got fucked over a lot but believe I made what seemed like the right decision as often as possible, well that's not so bad.
It's not just with romantic partners. Friends, even strangers. Though I've been getting better about trying not to be so giving to strangers.
A lot of this thread keeps getting pushed in the direction of giving me romantic advice, which I appreciate. But not my intention. I am not pursuing a romantic relationship and have no hope or overwhelming desire for one. It's not in the cards and a waste of my time, sadly. I'm not trying to have a therapeutic chat about my personal experiences, but rather use the relatable nature of personal experience to encourage discussion about broader social themes that affect lots of people.
I do appreciate all the outreach though. I understand it's coming from a place of kindness. I think starting my OP with "I'm depressed" probably didn't help. But I only meant that as a quick explanation for the frustration of always having an interruption when I finally achieve a workflow.
It's also worth mentioning that I have only shared examples of the kind of interactions I'm referencing. This does not mean that all the interactions I've had have been that way. I tried to make it clear in the OP that it's roughly 50%. That figure is much closer to 75% or higher recently but there are factors and variables involved that don't really apply to general discourse skewing that number, including location, profession, social networks and personal faults.
The only goals I had in mind for talking about all this while it was fresh in my mind were:
Normalizing conversation on the topic. Something I have always tried to do my part in even when it's uncomfortable and alienating. Death, tragedy, suicide, mental illness, sex, morality, trauma. Not always things I want to share but I feel it may be beneficial to start conversations when possible (and hopefully appropriate) so that others can maybe feel more comfortable talking about it.
Discussing the current state of social awareness and the ever increasing duality of social standards via identity politics and artificial polarization marginalizing and disenfranchising people with very few actual differences from one another.