I think we try to make sense of what happens as if normal, healthy, loving people where interacting with us, whereas we are like a Sim character in the movie of their life. We can have independence only in ways that don't threaten the perception and the plan they have for us.

They'll give when they want to feel good, or to see someone feeling grateful towards themselves. They will give when they want to push you into a certain direction. They'll support what fits into their plan (if it happens to match yours, or if you made it yours, then it will be ok). But at no moment, are you an independent individual seen as an equal.

I have been totally mentally, emotionally, and verbally abused a lot of my life, and a lot of the times it was through narcissistic​ 'positivity' which seems to be their number one weapon along side of 'giving' and 'helping' , they never give me any way to point out or prove the shit they do.

It is extremely hard for me to learn what is the "minimum acceptable behavior" that humans should show toward each other, and to see that what I consider normal is waaaaay below that threshold. For example a supportive family member, upon seeing me start to cry and beg them to stop saying what they are saying in the "discussion", would stop and ask me what's wrong. They'd ask what they can do to help. And even if they don't on the spot, they should realize that things went badly and ask afterwards if there's something they can do, or apologize, or at the very least not do again the thing you begged them to stop doing. Hint: sibling never does that, which I thought was normal.