This, so much this. I have a rare genetic disease which affects my bodies production of collagen. Which is a very, very important pathway and protein. When anything heals in your body, one of the most important proteases is collagenase. Complicated stuff, but basically, over time my body has changed dramatically. I'm only 24.

I adopted a dog last year. I knew he was sick, but for a butt ton of ethical and subjective reasons I had to keep him no matter the consequences (save of course for his welfare; if I was presented with an opportunity to increase his welfare, I wouldn't keep him just to justify my actions; that'd be some dumb-shit). Anyways, he had a tapeworm. His tapeworm became mine. I developed cysticercosis. AS did he. The scaling pattern was remarkably similar. IT was surreal. I would see something happen to him, and know that it was going to happen to me. At first it was his hair bloody stool. Then mine. Then fatigue (22h sleep per day), then hair loss, then spasticity and ataxia etc... It went to my brain. I have neurocysticercocis. The most prominent symptom is something called dyschronometria. I can't perceive time saliently. I can force myself to look at a clock, and then think ' oh yeah, its this time'. But my capacity to appreciate the passage of time is absolutely ameliorated.

This thing is very complex but it attacks the same pathway that my genes attack. It's a complicated explanation (thiols, cysteine and proteases and graded blah blah blah). But because he would pull so hard occasionally I would injure my already shredded shoulders. (keep in mind, I'm only 24). Once things reached a sort of weird perturbation and declined rapidly a lot of strange things began happening. I was doing ROM rehab for my shoulders and I thought I noticed my shoulders 'growing'. I was working on my posture at the same time. Really what happened was that The loose collagen allowed for my AC joint to fall, the tumor in my spine just sort of created this autologous bracing mechanism, like this natural adaptation where I would hold more air in my lungs than normal (weight-lifters utilize this mechanism to stabilize their anterior spine during dead-lifts and squats. But for me it was not a conscious thing). AS the rigidity set in slowly, things became in-set. I have cogwheel rigidity so my muscles have adapted to a certain form. Producing over four months a very different frame. There are thousands of little nodules under my skin and in my muscles. My muscles are fading, there's significant atrophy and signs of early dystrophy. It's unbelievable.

I cannot stress enough how restrictive the minds capacity to adapt is. It's restricted by identity, by self-knowledge, by your self-awareness, proprioception, your 'neurosignature', even. People like Ray Kurzweil think that the movement between corporeal and digital form is going to be natural are fucking crazy. Amputees have a very difficult time adjusting. And although that's a very long process, recovery usually follows an acute trauma. A drawn out alteration like mine is analogous to a deep shift like 'swapping bodies'. It simply will be traumatic. It will not be enjoyable. There's a reason that we all naturally avoid people like me; that aversion is due to the perception of danger as something great enough to exploit the frailty of our minds - by our identities. Human trauma cases have modeled this phenomenon - the two comparisons I used, 'the amputee' , and myself, represent different areas of the spectrum; inverse functions.

You are absolutely right in your analysis.