Sticks and Trains

I only read the first 5 or so paragraphs but really if you arent engaging the reader in anyway by that time then the thing is a failure. The same goes for any piece of writing. No necessity for fireworks, but there should be something that draws in the eye so to speak. I get what your trying to do with drip feed narrative reveal short punchy sentence thing - very modern. But for this to work the imagery must be extremely strong or the characterisation of unfolding event conveyed in a such a way as to grab the reader by the balls...we have to be instantaneously transported...i found myself nodding off and indifferent to the ham fisted scene setting and instant emotional thematising - why should we care? Who are these people?

/r/WritersGroup Thread