I feel ya. 4 months sober for me today on the dot and I had a really rough time the past two days. My parents came to visit for Christmas. My ego had been building the moment behind the scenes. I was really looking forward to them seeing 'the new and sober me'. Well I ended up getting sick days prior, weather was complete shit (poured rain the whole time they were here) and I honestly have never been comfortable around my father (an old drinking buddy more than a father). So we basically just sat around my house, in the rain and I'm super tired and look like shit due to illness. My image of the new and improved sober dude was just not happening. My father is wildly uncomfortable just sitting around, which made me uncomfortable. I wanted to cook for them and shit but illness gave me little energy to do so so we went out to eat a bunch and that was basically it.

The whole visit sucked and looking back I'm having a hard time separating what from what. I used to ALWAYS get so smashed after seeing my parents. They're good people (my mom especially) and very supportive of my sobriety. It's on my end obviously. Never feeling like I'm good enough. I will say they've always stressed the false importance of the material. Like in someways I think they were happier (or at least seeing them was easier) when I was married to a toxic women, drunk all the time (they didn't know the extent of it til later) and didn't have the money issues I do right now. Being content in the moment was never of any value to my family growing up more or less it was always about "what you have going on in your life". The more stories of success the better.

Anyway, it was exhausting. Legit slept all day yesterday and woke up feeling healthy and like myself again. Still though, I'm ready for the holidays to be over with!