I married my ex-wife after we'd only been together two years. We both smoked weed, and I introduced her to other drugs over time, like MDMA, DMT, cocaine, and when Adderal lost its magic...meth. I never pressured her to, and told her every 3 day straight fuck-a-thon bender we had together that if she ever felt uncomfortable to let me know ASAP because I truly loved her at the time more than I care to think about. Her dad was a cheating violent sociopath who had nearly beat her mom to death numerous times when she was a child, and she heard it happening, too scared to leave her room, eventually pleading with her mom to kick him out.
I knew somewhere in my mind that even though I asked her to confide in me if she thought it was out of hand,
I was playing with fire. Here is the latest song I half finished for the album, and the sample used is a beautiful lament from J.J. Cale called "magnolia"
https://m.soundcloud.com/bauska/old-flame-1
I was convinced by her assurances that she loved me as much as I her. She was chronically unemployed our entire relationship, and I was happy she had found a job, and even happier that she seemed to love it. Long story short, she loved her boss more than the job. After five years of thinking I was the luckiest man alive, and LOL I truly did feel that way until the end, she stopped coming home, stopped answering texts or calls on her phone. When i called her work they said I would be reported to the police for harassment if I continued. I never even raised my voice at her, bent over backwards to help her, even asked around my circle of friends for clean piss and to act as references to help her get this job. When I saw the call/text history of the same Cali number in her phone, 20 pages of logs pretty much only to this number, I felt like Shelley Duvall in the shining, upon realizing this whole time her husband has not been writing a book but instead typing the same sentence thousands and thousands of times as he slowly descends into psychopathy. Her friends and family wouldnt talk to me, why other than the drug use and my state of mind at the time. It took a year and four months to divorce her because she did everything she could to delay this. She probably got pregnant, nobody I know can say for sure. I know her address but I don't have anything to say to her. It has thus far been the most devastating event I've experienced, so I guess I'm still lucky for that, and now I truly feel that I am grateful it happened, as the only thing worse would have been to go on not knowing who she was behind her pretty face.
I decided to compose an album of the story of our relationship, told through sample-based music, so not necessarily a straight hip hop instrumental record but mostly, with each song containing an emotionally relevant sample for whichever period in the chronology of our time together. The first song being the day I met her, our marriage, our hedonistic days, but mostly my recovery from the trauma. They're almost all about us on my main soundcloud, but i also make bday songs for my close friends and family so they're interspersed among those. Thank you for reading, as this project has meant a lot to me, yet nobody I know IRL seems that interested in it aside from my sister, who I got into hip hop when I accidentally left big L's the big picture behind after leaving home. I'll answer any questions after I get home from work in 10 hours, but if you listen to any other than "old flame" listen to either "rumpelstiltskin" or "lost in translation." My main soundcloud is soundcloud.com/bauska