When I'm single and depressive I listen to "I know it's over" by the Smiths on repeat. And the part that goes

If you're so funny - Then why are you on your own tonight ?

And if you're so clever - Then why are you on your own tonight ?

If you're so very entertaining - Then why are you on your own tonight ?

If you're so very good-looking - Why do you sleep alone tonight ?

I know...

'Cause tonight is just like any other night -That's why you're on your own tonight

just really hits home. I've been working on myself with better nutrition, exercise and showering myself with presents (thank you Memorial Day sale). I've been giving the guy I'm seeing lots and lots of space, because that's what he seems to need. But it's confusing because I feel like with every other guy I've dated, nighttime hangout turns into sleepover and brunch the next day and he just...jets. And I guess he's not in it just for the physical part because we don't even do that that consistently. We've known each other for over a month and have shared personal stories and details. It just makes me wonder if he's even attracted to me? The last guy I dated for 8 months wasn't attracted to me and now I'm paranoid that men date me because they think I'm the kind of girl they /should/ be seeing and not what they actually /want/.

Maybe this is "taking it slow" and I'm just not used to it. Maybe I'm giving him more of a pass than I'd give anyone else because he's the first Asian guy I've dated and I feel like I'm obligated. I'm really bad at communicating in relationships and I've always stuck by the "don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to" rule.

I had a long talk with my sister about this last night. If you hate Myers Brigg, skip this part: I'm an ENFJ, and hit all the typical notes of wanting to please other people and needing reciprocity. I think he's INTJ which is basically the worst type of guy a needy girl could date. My sister suggested that maybe I walk away, because her INTJ exes and my INTJ dad are pretty cold in relationships. The alternative is that I learn how to be more independent. So I'm working on the latter, in the interest of general self-improvement.