I've been there. I was off and on medication for a couple years before this most recent time, though now it seems to be sticking.

It really doesn't help that a lot of mental health professionals aren't well-informed (or entirely lack common sense?). I ditched my last psychiatrist after I freaked out and had a (probably manic) episode and she was like, "I don't know why this medication doesn't work for you. I know you sometimes feel too sad to get up, but when that happens have you tried... just getting up?" And I was pretty upset that someone who had diagnosed me with depression and then prescribed me medication for it could suddenly not believe that I had it or just completely not understand what it was about. So I weaned myself off and was out of therapy for several months before I could bring myself to go back. Found a better therapist + psychiatrist so it was probably for the best.

And even when I was in the hospital recently I was surrounded by these excessively perky social work students who were like, "Why are you so sad? What can you do to stop being sad? There must be a reason you're sad. WHY ARE YOU SAD?" It was a really unhelpful experience trying to explain to people that sometimes I feel in ways that are disproportionate or unrelated to the actual events happening in my life -- seeing it was literally their business to already know. The idea of having to go back gives me the absolute horrors.

So I guess my point is that even when you're trying to get help you'll often get a lot of bullshit spouted at you, which might be why people have such a hard time coming to grips with having a mental illness. The prevailing attitude is that if you try harder to feel better you'll feel better, and the subtext the mental illness gives you is that the fact that you aren't better already means you're a shitty weak person who doesn't try hard enough.

Anyway, I've probably ranted enough back at you.

<3