I struggled with an eating disorder before and I weighed myself this morning :(

Honestly, I just got super lucky. My SO isn't really picky when it comes to looks, and actually has a slight preference for larger women so he never makes me feel bad for gaining weight. He doesn't make me feel bad for losing it, either. He's actually the one who gave me the advice to focus on my body's capabilities instead of looks. But up until I met him, it wasn't easy.

I'm sorry if that's not really helpful, but the point I'm trying to make is that there is definitely someone out there who will love you regardless of what the scale says. At my heaviest (191 lbs, virtually the same as yours though idk how tall you are), I've had people reject me for my weight plenty of times. And at my thinnest (140 lbs), I've dated people who've made fun of fat people (even as I was thinking, damn, what happens when I gain weight?)

Even though it really sucks, I like to think that it weeds out people that just aren't worth the time. They're not going to stand by you when you need them for emotional support because of your weight fluctuating. Especially if you had an eating disorder, it's really important that you pick someone who understands what that means. Like, an SO nagging you to watch your weight is generally socially acceptable, but constantly saying that to someone who's had a history of an ED probably isn't a good idea.

It may have been a difficult road, but when you meet that one person who really gets you, it's worth it. It might not feel like it, but that person does exist.

/r/MMFB Thread Parent