I (cis-male) feel the same way, and my FtM spouse hasn't even begun hormones. Just the awareness that they are a man is enough.

It sucks. I still love them, maybe even more deeply now that there is "something" behind all of the question marks their transness has put on our intimate life. And sometimes the thought of being intimate with them is nice ... but ... honestly, I want a woman for a lover, and I want a woman as a life mate. I married a woman. I want a wife.

I wish I could be more help byond commiserating.

Don't feel guilty for the wants you have and the feelings you have. You didn't do this. It really sucks to imagine ending something with someone you love because you aren't compatible in that way, and it sucks to have invested so much time and energy trying to convince one another you were compatible when you never were all along.

It makes me feel like an emasculated fool. Like the schmuck who they knew would suffer however long they needed to be honest. I know that isn't the "right way to feel" ... I don't know how to go about ending it kindly and respectfully, and I keep holding out hope that someday I will begin to feel differently (either about their gender or about my love), but I can't shake how I feel about them any more easily than they can about who they are.

Let us all know if you figure out how to nudge this stage forward without blowing everything up.

I feel like there is a lot of "If you tryuly loved them, you'd love them regardless of their gender." I'm pretty sure that's bullshit (as far as romantic and sexual love go), and serves mostly to make a cis-partner feel guilty about who they are while allowing the trans-partner to feel like the victim for being who they are.