Students suspended for marijuana 1.6 times more likely to use it again, compared to students kept in class and counseled: study

When I was around 15, I was expelled from highschool for marijuana. It was my first time ever really getting in trouble, but we had a zero tolerance rule. I wasn't actually smoking in school or anything, and it's fairly complicated story of how exactly I got in trouble so I'll skip over that.

They had first suspended me and told me they would give a final decision later. When I was first suspended, I never wanted to smoke again because I was so scared. Another week later I got a letter in the mail saying they had made their decision and I was expelled. I tried going to another school but the expulsion was from every school in the county, meaning I could only attend a private school that was basically for kids like me who got expelled. Well turns out it was pretty expensive and far from me. I couldn't afford it nor did I have a way to get there, since I was 15 and only had my learners permit and both my parents were unable to drive me.

It didn't take long for me to spiral into depression, being alone, seeing all my friends posting on Myspace talking about class or stuff that happened at school, etc. It drove me crazy to the point where I ended up deleting my myspace and shut out all my friends because of how spiteful I felt. Pretty quickly I developed crippling social anxiety from my lack of interaction with people and I started smoking again to take my mind off things.

It wasn't enough and I was still so down that I wasn't eating, I wouldn't go outside, some days I would just sleep in bed all day. My mom ended up taking me to a doctor because she thought I was going to die or kill myself. Soon I was put on anti-depressants and some benzos which I ended up getting largely addicted to, with withdrawals that led to seizures a few times. Which of course led down an even worse path of other things trying to drown out the withdrawals.

I managed to get my shit together a few years ago and get my GED and get my bachelors, but I still have crippling social anxiety and thinking about how I never got to go to my prom or graduate with all my friends or even attend college with them brings me to tears sometimes. I even have dreams (that still occur to this day, 10 years later) where some kind of miracle happens and I get to go back to high school and be with all my friends and everything. I get these kinds of dreams at least once every 2 weeks or so.

It was my biggest mistake in life and the thing that had the largest impact on how I turned out as a person and I hate, that even now, I feel like the expulsion was completely pointless and counterproductive. When people ask those kind of questions like "If you could go back in time and change anything what would it be?" I would choose to not get expelled without a second thought. I know this is a lot of stuff and most people won't read this, but the topic just hit home so hard I felt I really wanted to share as it's not something I ever talk to people about.

/r/science Thread Link - eastbayexpress.com