I'd say that you desperately need counseling. You and your wife or you alone for sure.

I'm sorry your wife cheated on you.

As someone who cheats on her husband I can only speculate. People (or me specifically) cheat because they are missing something, I begged my husband to do something different, or to help me be happier. It was sex that lacked in our relationship. But I was very starlight forward with what I wanted and what I felt I needed. He didn't believe me or listen to me.

It seems like your wife talked to you but maybe you didn't listen or maybe you both have communication problems (seems like it if she's telling you she need something more but is unwilling to articulate what she needs).

My question to you is... If she's cheated and now you want to cheat, what's the point of staying together? Or maybe try to have an open relationship. You are clearly unhappy, she's unhappy to if she cheated on you so why not both cut your losses and find someone who will make you happy.

God knows it's more complicated than that... I mean if it was that easy I'd be leaving my own husband. However, if he wanted to cheat on me as revenge. Then I'd just choose an open relationship vs both of us fucking others on the side behind each other's back.

I can imagine a special needs child complicates the fuck out of things. But I know that your child is suffering from this too. You guys probably aren't pretending enough for her to not notice your unhappiness.

Does your wife suffer from the same sort of mental issues you do? If she does I'd say like in the beginning you both desperately need some sort of therapy or counseling.

I think the best course of action is for both you is to seek counseling and talk about how you feel and what you want BEFOREHAND you do something like cheating on her.

Women can smell desperation a mile away and to be honest if you tell a woman you're only cheating to get revenge on your wife I don't know how many women are going to be okay with that and just from this post you seem like a huge emotional wreck. A ticking time bomb of emotional baggage and very unstable. Not to be hurtful, just honest.

You could probably pay an escort or a prostitute but I feel that you won't attract very many women who don't have body odor... Like your previous failed attempt. The fact that you still tried to go through with it.. Even though she was sort of smelly is already sort of desperate.

Sorry if any of this was harsh or cruel. It wasn't meant to be. Just constructive criticism of you will.

I'm so sorry you're hurting and sorry your wife did it to you. I hope you can either forgive and forget or leave and either way be a happier, healthier person.

Last note: I read your post in its entirety, but your formatting was super weird and it was long.