I want suicide but cannot out of compassion for my loved ones.

I've both contemplated and planned my suicide before - down to the will, the whole thing. I won't tell you that you have 'so much to live for.' I always found that odd and condescending: how could a stranger really know, right? Also, 'much to live for' sounds like only living 'for' stuff, which seems kind of shallow and obligatory right? That said, I will just share one thing that was real, practical and appealed to my suicidal self at the time. It cut through the crap. And it's probably one of the reasons why I'm still 'here.'

I was shown a perspective: that complete surrender to the present moment is a more reliable, painless, and compassionate way to die rather than biological attempts. Seriously. It's not just a play on words. The Buddha's other nickname was literally 'the well-gone one,' despite the fact that his biological body was undamaged. His lesser known descriptions of practice are about disappearing completely from the world as one knows it. And it's not even about escape the way most of us imagine, because the Buddha's freedom was gone far far past any typical notion we may have of 'freedom' brought about by hanging or an overdose (which VERY often fail by the way). With this in mind, I tried dying like that, and the ancient descriptions really are accurate, they're not kidding.

Eckhart Tolle has also been recorded saying something similar, when he was addressing a student of his who was considering suicide: that it was best to let everything you know (everything) die by throwing it into a full, systematic, radical immersion in the Now. Die before you die. Throw everything away, into the Now.

This way is really the more immediate, relieving, sure-shot, and easier route than hanging or other methods that (secretly) are far FAR less reliable than people think and leave you in worse ruin than before when you survive (I researched a lot of hard to find death stats and I was not pleased to find out that people very VERY often survive).

Again, I'm not even preaching, I'm giving you a way that's more reliable. Die before you die--the Buddhist way, or many of the other ways on offer. Then you don't even have to do anything biologically or emotionally messed up or worry about destroying lives or surviving failed attempts then being incapacitated and dependent on folks forever afterward. None of that.

/r/Buddhism Thread